Learning to Drive

Fingers wrapped around the stick shift, he grabbed my fingers and interlaced them with mine
on top of the hard ball at the top of the stick.
Listen to the car and feel
the vibration as it pushes and pulls you.
You’ll know when to give it up
And switch the gear…

Beware of Writers

Beware of writers. We don’t ask your permission, we just put pen to paper
tips to keyboards and
scribbles to scraps lying around.
We tell the truth- We lie- We exaggerate- We expose- We bury
No matter what you say can be used in a “court of paper”
It can be published for all the world to see.
Your every flaw can be turned into mountains of disgust or
your every perfect quality admired can be turned into something angelic and worshipped.
Watch what you say and do around a writer because
every snippet of your personality can become a reality on a page that you either want to frame or
burn until the wind scatters the ashes far from the readers eye.
We aim to please and to infuriate- We aim to bring awareness and cry out- We aim to expose and exemplify- We aim for someone to click or turn the page-We aim for you

Read me

Tea Mornings

“Baby wake up”
“Darling”
“Lovey”
“If you wake up I’ll make you breakfast”
and finally a little stir. A grunt and a stretch and a wipe of the eyes,
I get a squint and a half smile that seems to echo the words of good morning without actually saying them. I kiss his cheek
in an effort to not disturb him too much,
give him the opportunity to stretch and yawn himself awake. “What
do you want for breakfast?” “Coffee or tea?”
A sly grin and that little hype in his voice I get “tea” for an answer and it’s in these moments
that I feel the warmth in my heart. As I shuffle off to make tea in a cup of my choosing
a few yawns and some whiffs of the brewing chai, I make
my way back to a white sheeted bed and the man of my dreams curled up in my sheets still half asleep. Taking in
the postcard in front of me
I dodder up to the bed “can you still up for me please?” and I present the steaming mug on top of his chest and into his capable hands.
Curled up next to him with a complimentary mug of my own, I get to
bask in the simplicty of a cup of tea in a bed with the right person and sun streaming through the slant of closed blinds and fluffy bed sheets.

Tater Tot Toes

I was freezing and my toes turned into frozen tater tots. I remember
nuzzling up to his furnace of a body telling him
in a whimper “I’m cold.”
No shirt, clean shaved chest
and sleepy, benevolent voice he told me “then put your feet under me love” as he adjusted his legs
to overlap my tiny toned calves. I never expected this answer. I seemed to wiggle my narrow size sixes into the fur of his muscular legs
as I tried not to shiver.
But as my teeth clattered and I continued to tremble, he told me to put on a shirt. I settled
into picking out my favorite, soft pajama pants that he chuckled at and
curled up into him and his arms
to use him as my own human shirt and protection from the rooms shadows to engulf us in dream world.

You Want

You want someone to be scared of losing you

You want a man that respects you, worships the ground you walk on

You want someone to treat you like a queen but call you their princess

You want someone to make you happy but not have your happiness based only on them

You want a wolf that is not your alpha but rather, part of your pack

You want someone sensitive to your feelings but not tiptoe around them

You want someone to growl at you but not make you cower when they yell

You want to have disagreements but not be put down and forced into submission

You want someone to build you up but not to make you feel terrible when you fall down

You want someone to tell you that it is okay not to be okay but not tell you that you always have to be better

You want someone to encourage you but not to discourage you from your dreams

You want someone to push you but not tell you to back down

You want someone to think of you always but not ignore you around others

You want to be put first but not made to conform

You want

You

Want

Anxiety is Real

Normalcy
Eating at a table, little children running in circles
There’s danger I swear it
Heart pounding
Padded walls on my right and left, pressure encasing me
I need to get away
Don’t embarrass yourself
Tell them to stop talking, it’s stressing you out
Get away
Plug your ears
Clench and unclench your fists
Tingling
Hit your head over and over
Fist to temple
It’s hot in here, I can’t breathe
Wait
Tell yourself that you’re okay, nothing is happening
Stop screaming and crying, you’re OKAY
TELL YOURSELF TO STOP
YOU’RE OKAY
“You’re the problem”
Doubt
Loss
It’s all in your head
You can fight it
I’m trying to
Try harder
Okay I will
People are dealing with worse things in the world and doing fine
Adapt and overcome
But I can’t
Don’t freak out you’re okay
You don’t understand
Irrational, yes I know
Not real, yes I know
Worse things out there, yes I know
Tell yourself you don’t have it, it’s in your head…
Don’t let them know

Future Vocabulary

Diamonds slid onto thin young familar fingers
New spaces occupied in different towns and cities with young names on leases
Big jobs doing what they love
New travels and videos of places visited, leaving a mark
Engaged
Fiancé
Married
Salary
Apartment
Work
Stability
Independence
New life vocabulary thrown into my face of friends once known now moving forward
Progression of starting life
And here I still am
Dreams
Goals
and ambitions
Just ideas in my head mumbled to strangers in hope of it becoming reality
The desire to establish
To be of one’s own
Financially stable
Happily engaged
Newly married
Moved out
Moved in

Broken Promises

She scanned the audiences
The floating black heads on the opposite end of the stage that applaud vivaciously
Each night she wiped away the remains of her face
As she looked in the mirror
Off the red lipstick
Off the blush and foundation
Unclasp the earrings
The bobby pins laid on the floor as her hair sprayed hair falls crimped and stiff on her shoulders
The one thing she asks on those that she thinks cares is their support
Her love for the art she wants to pass on
But they never show
Promises of a front row seat and best wishes
But once again she performs to a dark blank audience

You never showed…

Peroxide

9e33aea4a0419e4b36e4eafa41f14eadA cancerous wound
Spread all through my body
I’m trying to heal myself
Stitch up each side
Inch by inch
But just when it starts to scab over…
It cracks open again
You want to keep cleaning it out
Pouring hydrogen peroxide over it
Again and again
Festering and oozing
It’ll never heal if you keep opening back up again
Let me scab
Let me scar
Let me heal

She Wolf

She was a little pup
That grew into a wolf
An alpha female
That learned to bare her teeth when she smiles
She no longer cowers and runs to her den
She raises her hair and stands her ground
Growling at the given threats
Howling to the dark skies above
She’s ready to walk alone if she needs to
Her own alpha will come to her one day
He won’t try to tame her
He will run beside her
Their own wolf pack