One of my missions,
Music is one way out.
But that song…
Brings up too much.
I skip it everyday but today I let it play.
I have the option.
Sink or swim?
If I swim then I’m alone.
If I let myself sink then I’ll be accompanied by the silent shadows of the dark.
It’s darker down there.
Swimming to the shore will only bring problems.
I’ll have to watch other people be happy and live their lives.
I start to swim to the shore but I give up.
But I can’t hold my breath long enough to stay under and visit the darkness.
I can’t keep bobbing up and down.
So I’m making a permanent decision.
Open my mouth.
Let the water come in and fill my lungs to bring me under to the darkness.
It’s warm and welcoming down there.
The water engulfs me and my tears can’t be seen.
My screams are just a dull noise under the surface in the deep.
Lost in the waves above me.
No longer there.
No need to breathe.
Here with my shadows and the pain.
It’s a beautiful tragedy.