It’s raining outside as I walk in silence. The rain is pouring down on my head. It rolled down my arms and dripped off my fingertips. It falls on my head and soaks into my soft blonde hair making it heavy. It rolled down my little nose and plopped onto my lips as I taste its fresh pureness. Thoughts and promises whirling through my mind as my ear buds blast and Imagine Dragons sing to me. As I get home I stripped myself and let my damp clothes fall off my frail body and onto the floor. All I want to do is get in my un-made bed under the covers and sleep some more. Maybe I’ll wake up and things will be good again. Instead I stand there dripping as goose bumps form on my bare tiny body. My knees buckle like they used to do, but now I don’t have someone to catch me. I just fall to the floor with my face in my hands. Until next time…
Their throat is an opened buried place.
A smooth tongue they will use.
There is nothing trustworthy in their mouth.
Yet you want approval to surround you.
My very bones have been disturbed.Standing in front of a stampede of emotions
My soul in yearning.
My heart aching.
My tears make my divan overflow.
My pillow in the early hours of the morning soaking wet.
Salty and damp.
Hooves coming crashing down on the moist dirt.
Trample me and push me down into the earth.
Emotions shoved into the ground forever lost.
The animal inside me clawing its self out.
Cage it or let it run free?
A calm numbness overcomes me.
My muscles relax.
My brain slows.
I’m just floating.
My thoughts have been running a marathon in my head.
My eyes have been cast down and I stand still staring off into the distance.
I just want to get through this.
I can’t stand my own self anymore.
All I want to do is get lost in a realm of sleep and dreams.
Create my own world and wander through the roads that wind around in my head.
I’m empty and my hand is searching for something.
So instead my hand finds a pen and I write til’ my fingertips cramp.
A blank look on my face I just want to slip away for awhile.
But people keep tugging on me keeping me here.
Just let me be.
I know I cause trouble.
I know I’ve made mistakes and hurt people.
But for me, the pain I’ve caused others is double.
There’s a constant need to succeed and reach out.
Like the love I possess is too hard to count.
What’s your favorite color of the alphabet on a scale of one to ten?
Mine is my bestfriend.
I know you don’t understand and may think I’m writing nonsense.
But to me it makes perfect sense.
The look in their eyes.
The feeling in their hearts.
The tingles down their spines.
In this love story, that’s where it all starts.
Mind over matter.
With burdens all scattered.
I give you my hand.
I’ll close my eyes and let you lead the way.
Run far away.
To a place beyond the horizon.
A place unseen and away from peering eyes.
Judgmental thoughts and loud cries.
Smother me in kisses.
Drown me in love.
Let’s fall down into that darker place and give each other that little shove.
And together we can finally be in peace in that heaven up above.
Humid summer air.
A soft breeze ruffles my blonde hair.
A lonely night walk I look up to the dark skies and notice all the stars out tonight.
To think I haven’t seen them in a long while.
Their twinkling lights only appearing on what seems like special occasions.
The neighborhood is quiet and motionless this somber evening.
No one milling about.
No dogs yapping.
And for once no neighbors to hear scream and shout.
To think you aren’t that far away.
I could look up at the stars all night and just dream.
I swear they are shining down on me showing me the way to you.
And I wonder if you are seeing them too.
What do you think about?
I know what you tell me.
The usual compliment and I really appreciate it but what do you really want to say?
Is there more?
Do you notice the little things like I do?
How do you think of me?
The stars show me all these meanings and yet I can’t connect the dots.
For even Orions belt is too far away.
You don’t know this now but there are some things that need to be said.
But if I fall and hurt myself would you fix me?
If I lost myself would you know how to find me?
Would you look upon the horizon or out into the sea?
Or maybe the stars or the bright moon that hangs above you constantly?
Would you run?
Do you know where to find me even if I lose myself?
Search for me and tell me where you would look.
Because my heart is lost and its a precious thing of mine that you took.
A windy dark night.
Start the engine and take off.
The transmitting radio waves just trun to white noise to block everything else out.
Speeding down the road all you see is red, white, and brighter red.
If you stare long enough, eventually things start to lose their shape and others just blur together.
Street lights above zoom by like they are running away from you as opposed to you traveling past them.
A green sign that tells me I’m close.
What if everything just vaporized into thin air?
Traveling straight past Jupiter to Saturn.
Maybe even Uranus or Neptune.
Leaving this atmosphere and going farther into space.
Leaving Jupiter and getting farther and farther away from the pasts and things that hold your gravity.
Jumping from star to star and riding upon every wish.
Lies no longer the oxygen you breathe but the freedom of taking off that helmet.
Nothing to hold you back, just the vastness of space.
Find your own alien, your unique being.
Discover not only other life but the life and fight within yourself.
The ball of burning fire in your stars and soul.
We start with an hour and waste the day.
You put your arms around me and I’m home. You touch my lines and I start to explode.
What would you do if you knew I was slipping away.
Would you convince me to stay or would you let everything be as it may?
You and I are done pretending.
I never knew I had that much to give.
I still run, but instead I run right into you.
Your presence lingers here and it won’t leave me alone.
The moment passes me by and yet I cant turn away.
When I want to leave there is something that triggers inside me and I can’t walk away.
Like magnetism I’m drawn to you.
Your eyes dark and drawn, there’s something I just can’t make sense of.
It’s this addiction that’s driving me insane.
I depend in it.
Thrive on it.
The influential grasp you hold on me is frightening.
The ache to be so far away and the swelling to be with you.
A melancholy feeling.
A love that’s dragging me down.
Nothing else compares.
You take me in and craddle me in your warmth.
Reassure me everything will be ok.
This too shall pass.
Black birds scarcely flying by.
A new start.
A day of white.
Bright as the sun.
It seems to glitter in the clear crisp air.
Finding that warmth is her only care.
White are the lies she’s been told.
Her life once overlayed in gold.
Yet, he sold his life to the devil she was told.
All in white, the veil she’s underneath shades her from the light.
Purity they call it.
Darkness disguised as white, it’s all bullshit.
Purged from the nastiness.
Nothing but white.
People as dark as night but souls cleansed until white.
Blue irises, the only things to stand out and make a difference.
White walls and white thoughts.
An endless sea.
Nothing more, white all you can see.
Nothing less than the small hope she does yet possess.
Crumpled white dress.
Wait… this is a mess.
White foam fizzing out.
Blue now rolled back and turned white.
Now this pure
Tied up by my wrists.
Feet just dangling above the water.
Noose around my neck I can’t breathe.
Take off running only to be yanked by farther than where I started.
The only way to be tied up is tied up with you.
Tried erasing you and letting you go but everything comes back
and splatters in my face.Bruises.
Black and blue.
Purple surrounding my wrists.
Deep cuts from a rope that’s keeping me in place.
Reminders of the mistakes I’ve made.
Kiss my wrists and find my tender spots.
My arms are already tied above my head.
I have already surrendered.
I wear a white flag.
The look in my eyes tell all.
I need something better to conquer me.
SomeONE to take over me.
Let my arms come down around you.
To the depths of the sea.
But what’s the use of wishing and dreaming.
I’m chasing after a worthless and pointless thing.
I’ll find a way to fight and cut myself free.
This way I’ll just fall into the water below me.
Finally can breathe.
I take that breath.
Bubbles rising to the surface.
And a girl slowly sinking to the bottom to be in bliss.