Breathe for Me

It’s so easy to blow out a flame
It’s so simple to dust ashes the ashes that remain
It’s effortless to sit and watch the embers sizzle and burn
They crackle and glow
Open to touch
The red glimmer appealing to the eye
A dangerous beauty
A flick of a match
Everything can start again
A little oxygen and the fire starts
Breathe for me
Start the glow in my chest
A burning heart
Flickering
Steady
Ablaze

I Am Sputtering

Absentmindedly staring at the flame
Watching the fire dance around a charred log soaked in lighter fluid
A crackle and burst of embers here and there
The little glowing specks leap from the pit to freedom
A cold hard ground
The chilled wood deck
Sputters to nothing
As soon as it’s out
The warmth is gone
A tired fire
I keep turning the log to light a better side
Drench it in fluid to watch it go aflame
It only lasts so long
Until once again
I go cold…

I Beg You To Burn With Me

The smoke billows and billows
The cool breeze carrying it away
I keep trying to light you
But you refuse to burn
Your embers have gone cold
Charred inside and out
How many more times can I pour the fluid to light you again?
Stoke the fire
Ask it to burn
Burn bright and warm me again
I beg of you

trapped in a snowglobe

Merging the ballerina on the jewelry box with the little person in the snow globe, this is me. Dancing to my own beat, twirling in my own little circle, but not going anywhere. The snow is falling all around me, a fresh coat every day. A little song to cheer me up and wind my gears. But as soon as the fake little flurries settle to the plastic earth around me, my globe is tipped upside down and shaken up. Passed from one hand to another, controlled for how long I twirl and when I twirl. Controlled with who holds my globe and marvels at it. How I feel bad for the little pocket of air that is trapped at the tippy top of my see- through sphere. It bobs from one side of the sphere to the other and slides back and forth over the surface that it is allowed to be close to. It has the ability to see the edge of things and get close to translucent freedom. But the glass barrier keeps us all in. My little bit of snow, the water that surrounds me and I’m stuck on this perch twirling in endless controlled circles. I hope one day someone drops my globe and lets it shatter to the hard floor. I’ll gather all my pieces, sweep up my fake white flurries and twirl into another open sphere. But for now, I’m trapped in a snow globe on display for all my mistakes and made to do as my handlers want of me, the same little twirling circle, on the same gears wound by them that hold the key to my freedom from this glass hell. 

not allowed to be an adult

I am the age of an adult,

but I live at home.

I have my personal things,

but you stole my printed memories.

I have free will,

but you decide what I should and shouldn’t keep.

I have my few friends,

but only a few you approve of.

I can go where I want and when I want,

but not without questions and proof.

I know I have made mistakes,

but now you turn me into a child.

Surveillance like 1984,

laws like the police,

control like the government,

I am trapped with no where to go.

I cannot leave on my own.

An endless cycle.

I have no life besides what you want me to do.

This isn’t easy.

I know,

it won’t ever be easy to do what is right.

I want the helping hand,

but the ability to do it on my own without

the micromanagement.

Not allowed to feel.

It’s always wrong.

I don’t know who I am.

I know who I want to be.

But all your new pressure and disappointment is killing me.

This is only the beginning.

Appreciative but resentful.

I cannot help these things that are coursing through me.

Trading one form of control for another.

When will I ever be able to live a day without the constant need

to please,

to prove,

to make- up for,

the gain understanding,

to show truth?

This is what it’s like to be an adult??

Hell.