Bodily Words

I wear the words I write.

Hidden under a veil and sheath from reality.

Not much impact but a small significance in me.

A few words scripted on my body,

They mean so much.

As the day wears on and the sun inches from over head and back unit the ground the words fade.

Everything eventually fades.

Where they fade to is all based on what we believe…

They fade into the skin.

Into my blood stream and circulate through the body.

It’s a part of me.

A never ending cycle.

It may not be spoken aloud but inside my body the words ring sound and clear.

They echo from top to bottom.

Fingertip to fingertip.

Little toe to big toe.

Heart to brain…

Heart…

To…

Brain…

Which one will keep those words safe?

Is it even safe?

Am I sane?

I bleed those words.

They fall wet from my eyes and run down my cheeks creating salty streaks.

Freedom of speech.

It’s not free if a few words can cost so much.

Ennui

5118711-208-k855901Motions

Actions

Numbness

Ennui

Can’t feel anything

A spark flutters in my eyes every now and then,

It’s not enough to keep the flame glowing.

I’m a shadow in a dark world

Just moving in and out of the picture.

Throw in confusion into the mixture.

Routine.

Schedule.

Just follow it and people will think things are fine.

No one will notice the glare in your eyes,

The glossy look,

The stare in the distance,

The longing,

The yearning.

Moving on with head facing forward.

Just keep walking.

Don’t stop.

Don’t turn back.

Wearing the colors of my sorrow.

Suffering through the pain.

I want to stay in this dark world where everything is the same.

Bare Rain

It’s raining outside as I walk in silence. The rain is pouring down on my head. It rolled down my arms and dripped off my fingertips. It falls on my head and soaks into my soft blonde hair making it heavy. It rolled down my little nose and plopped onto my lips as I taste its fresh pureness. Thoughts and promises whirling through my mind as my ear buds blast an5673992-208-k929242d Imagine Dragons sing to me. As I get home I stripped myself and let my damp clothes fall off my frail body and onto the floor. All I want to do is get in my un-made bed under the covers and sleep some more. Maybe I’ll wake up and things will be good again. Instead I stand there dripping as goose bumps form on my bare tiny body. My knees buckle like they used to do, but now I don’t have someone to catch me. I just fall to the floor with my face in my hands. Until next time…

Stampede

Their throat is an opened buried place.

A smooth tongue they will use.

There is nothing trustworthy in their mouth.6095360-208-k463783

Yet you want approval to surround you.

My very bones have been disturbed.Standing in front of a stampede of emotions

My soul in yearning.

My heart aching.

My tears make my divan overflow.

My pillow in the early hours of the morning soaking wet.

Salty and damp.

Elephants; grief.

Zebras; anger.

Gazelles; sorrow.

Rhinoceros; fierceness.

Giraffes; shame.

Hooves coming crashing down on the moist dirt.

Trample me and push me down into the earth.

Buried.

Encroached.

Emotions shoved into the ground forever lost.

The animal inside me clawing its self out.

Cage it or let it run free?

Self Numbness

 

 

6317331-208-k476090Push down to open.

Twist.

POP.

Swallow…

A calm numbness overcomes me.

My muscles relax.

My brain slows.

I’m just floating.

My thoughts have been running a marathon in my head.

My eyes have been cast down and I stand still staring off into the distance.

I just want to get through this.

I can’t stand my own self anymore.

All I want to do is get lost in a realm of sleep and dreams.

Create my own world and wander through the roads that wind around in my head.

I’m empty and my hand is searching for something.

So instead my hand finds a pen and I write til’ my fingertips cramp.

A blank look on my face I just want to slip away for awhile.

But people keep tugging on me keeping me here.

Just let me be.

Run Away

 

 

7496116-208-k999227I know I’m a burden.

I know I cause trouble.

I know I’ve made mistakes and hurt people.

But for me, the pain I’ve caused others is double.

There’s a constant need to succeed and reach out.

Like the love I possess is too hard to count.

What’s your favorite color of the alphabet on a scale of one to ten?

Mine is my bestfriend.

I know you don’t understand and may think I’m writing nonsense.

But to me it makes perfect sense.

The look in their eyes.

The feeling in their hearts.

The tingles down their spines.

In this love story, that’s where it all starts.

Mind over matter.

With burdens all scattered.

I give you my hand.

I’ll close my eyes and let you lead the way.

Let’s run.

Run far away.

To a place beyond the horizon.

A place unseen and away from peering eyes.

Judgmental thoughts and loud cries.

Smother me in kisses.

Drown me in love.

Let’s fall down into that darker place and give each other that little shove.

And together we can finally be in peace in that heaven up above.

Find Me in the Stars

 

7531920-208-k137048

 

Humid summer air.

A soft breeze ruffles my blonde hair.

A lonely night walk I look up to the dark skies and notice all the stars out tonight.

To think I haven’t seen them in a long while.

Their twinkling lights only appearing on what seems like special occasions.

The neighborhood is quiet and motionless this somber evening.

No one milling about.

No dogs yapping.

And for once no neighbors to hear scream and shout.

To think you aren’t that far away.

I could look up at the stars all night and just dream.

I swear they are shining down on me showing me the way to you.

And I wonder if you are seeing them too.

What do you think about?

I know what you tell me.

The usual compliment and I really appreciate it but what do you really want to say?

Is there more?

Do you notice the little things like I do?

How do you think of me?

The stars show me all these meanings and yet I can’t connect the dots.

For even Orions belt is too far away.

You don’t know this now but there are some things that need to be said.

But if I fall and hurt myself would you fix me?

If I lost myself would you know how to find me?

Would you look upon the horizon or out into the sea?

Or maybe the stars or the bright moon that hangs above you constantly?

Would you run?

Do you know where to find me even if I lose myself?

Search for me and tell me where you would look.

Because my heart is lost and its a precious thing of mine that you took.

Space in Jupiter

10288588-208-k914499

 

A windy dark night.

Start the engine and take off.

The transmitting radio waves just trun to white noise to block everything else out.

Speeding down the road all you see is red, white, and brighter red.

If you stare long enough, eventually things start to lose their shape and others just blur together.

Street lights above zoom by like they are running away from you as opposed to you traveling past them.

A green sign that tells me I’m close.

What if everything just vaporized into thin air?

Traveling straight past Jupiter to Saturn.

Maybe even Uranus or Neptune.

Leaving this atmosphere and going farther into space.

Leaving Jupiter and getting farther and farther away from the pasts and things that hold your gravity.

Jumping from star to star and riding upon every wish.

Lies no longer the oxygen you breathe but the freedom of taking off that helmet.

Nothing to hold you back, just the vastness of space.

Find your own alien, your unique being.

Discover not only other life but the life and fight within yourself.

The ball of burning fire in your stars and soul.

Love Addiction

 

 
9660498-208-k759884We start with an hour and waste the day.

You put your arms around me and I’m home. You touch my lines and I start to explode.

What would you do if you knew I was slipping away.

Would you convince me to stay or would you let everything be as it may?

You and I are done pretending.

I never knew I had that much to give.

I still run, but instead I run right into you.

Your presence lingers here and it won’t leave me alone.

Hold me.

The moment passes me by and yet I cant turn away.

When I want to leave there is something that triggers inside me and I can’t walk away.

Like magnetism I’m drawn to you.

Your eyes dark and drawn, there’s something I just can’t make sense of.

It’s this addiction that’s driving me insane.

I depend in it.

Thrive on it.

Crave it.

Need it….

Need you.

The influential grasp you hold on me is frightening.

The ache to be so far away and the swelling to be with you.

A melancholy feeling.

A love that’s dragging me down.

Nothing else compares.

I’m raw.

Vulnerable.

Weak.

You take me in and craddle me in your warmth.

Reassure me everything will be ok.

This too shall pass.

Black birds scarcely flying by.

Freedom.

Fight.

A new start.

Love…