It Might Be Time

There are many out there that struggle with anxiety, panic and depression. You may even know someone close to you that battles with one of these mental disorders on a daily basis. Some even feel the result of living with someone with one of these issues. Whether it is rage, frustration, panicking, meltdowns, crying, low self esteem, irrational thoughts, refusing to take on the day or perform daily tasks… these are just SOME of the symptoms of a person suffering from such disorders.

As a note, I am NOT a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist or medical doctor. I am simply a person that suffers from all three mental disorders.

Now, on the outside you would never know that such mental trauma plagues me on a daily basis. My friends, family, loved ones, students and sometimes even my boss, will at times see flashes of my weak moments. It hasn’t been easy to admit that I am plagued by such mental issues and I am still trying to come to terms with it daily, but others try to hide it. I am here to tell you, from personal experience, when it may be time to reach out for better help.

I am not sure when exactly it started but I can recall a few times when teenage depression set in. A lot of teenage females will understand the feeling and I can see it with my teenage students that I teach. I usually call it a “funk” that they need help getting out of and I always try to be understanding and sympathetic in the process of helping find some joy, even if it is for a brief moment.

What I can recall is that it started getting bad in college. Everyone is different and this is my own story, I am just here to tell a little part of it. Disregarding all the personal details, others started noticing and I was advised to try something herbal to help my mind calm down a little bit. I do not take drugs nor have I ever had the desire to, so don’t worry, that’s not the type of herbal substance I decided to try. I visited the local vitamin shop and talked with a very knowledgeable nutritionist about the basics of my issues. He told me about 5-HTP.

5-HTP is a natural supplement that helps raise serotonin levels in the brain to improve your mood. For a while, all I had to do was take one of these when I was feeling low or started to panic and it did the trick. But over time it stopped working… the body, as with everything, can become immune to vitamins and medications over time. I even tried to raise my dosage but it only made me angry when I took it. Plus, I do not advise taking 5-HTP on an empty stomach, it does not feel good puking your brains out.

With the 5-HTP no longer working, I tried to find something to replace it. Venturing back to the vitamin shop, I was told about Anxio-Calm. It was a miracle! 1 to 4 tablets a day, starting in the morning and I was normal again.

AnxioCalm is made from echinacea plants and helps quiet the nerves, it is also a non-GMO supplement. With AnxioCalm, I thought that I found my cure. But then natural supplements stopped working. I tried everything else, tracking my moods, changing my birth control medicine, not over-loading my plate with too many tasks to complete, yoga, stretching, working out, meditation, praying, reading the Bible… nothing worked. Now I knew it was time to reach out for help.

When your depression, panic, anxiety or any other mental disorder starts to not only effect the people around you, but even the things that you used to enjoy, the passions that helped you escape reality or the people that distracted you, then it is time for further help.

As mentioned earlier, at times it is hard to admit there is even an issue, or that you are no longer in control, or there is a stigma that you are sick, but help may be exactly what you need. Making that phone call to the psychologist may be daunting but if you really know that you want and need help, then you will make the call. It was hard for me too.

I started with my college, on-campus psychologist. At the time, my university offered free counseling to students during the semester. It took a lot of courage to make that appointment. My only issue is that when I was in dire need for help, my University psychologist said I had too many issues and turned me away. I never fully recovered from that and it proved my thoughts on how doctors are quacks, no one genuinely wants to provide medical care and help and I do not trust them. So I went back to barely coping. My mental issues came and went, I had highs and lows. But towards the last semesters of college, it came back with a vengeance.

Genuinely urged by those that care for me, I severely needed help. But again, with my lack of trust for doctors I was proved right. I was turned away by multiple psychologists, put on 4 week wait list to get help and the psychologist intake woman at one office suggested that I see a psychiatrist ASAP. Within two weeks, I had an appointment for the psychiatrist. But it did not go well…

Somehow, I managed to find the most unprofessional, fraudulent, negligent and uncaring psychiatrist in all of the county that I lived in. Upon calling my insurance, her office overcharged me, pocketed my money, charged me CASH ONLY and didn’t report the fraudulent price she charged me. She had no concern for my issues, barely spoke English, left nasty voicemails on my phone, never diagnosed me, and prescribed me a medication that would not only make me worse, but didn’t even treat my issues that I came to her about. Again, I lost hope and nothing was getting better. I was getting worse and dysfunctional.

I felt alone, angry, mistreated, unworthy, sad, tired… I just wanted to give up. I tried reaching out for help and I was broken even more in the process. But finally something changed. I found a new psychologist that not only WANTED to sincerely help me, but said that I WAS ABLE TO BE FIXED. It has taken a long time and it has been a battle, but I am finally on the road to recovery and management.

My story my sound like a war story, and I left out A LOT of details, but I want to say to anyone that is reading this… keep trying. The right help is out there for you. Know when you need to reach out for more. Build a support network even when you feel that the whole world is against you. And you can get better and live happy again.