I know that no one actually reads my website/ blog (whatever this is I don’t really know). But it has been way too long since I have written. To be completely honest, I gave up writing. Yes I know, I know… but you have a Bachelors degree in writing and spent so much time and money on it, blah blah blah… After I realized that no company, magazine or newspaper was going to hire me full time, other than nonpaid freelance B.S. that they would use me for, I decided to stop stressing and just be adult. A.K.A. Give up on a dream.
I used to use writing as an outlet for my creativity but I sort of lost some of that when the reality of adult life hit me. I have a fully trained service dog, Zara, that I had to focus on training and raising so that she could help me. I have an apartment on my own, so groceries, laundry, cleaning, a full time job and a night job teaching, as well as dancing on the weekends for a professional dance company, all got in the way of a lot of my dreams, aspirations and hobbies. I lost my desire to write, a couldn’t find any book to read to get lost in, my plant addition faded because I seemed to kill everything, and my Complex PTSD got worse. As with a lot of people, COVID 19 hit and ruined a lot. I couldn’t dance anymore due to the pandemic, so I lost that part of my identity, I was barely teaching, everything was strained and I just wasn’t myself anymore. I was lost.
July of last year I decided to start a journey of self healing. I was regularly seeing a therapist, I found the right medication for myself and I joined a gym again. I lost 20 pounds that I put on, but I wasn’t just satisfied with my physical health, I NEEDED to work on my mental and emotional health.
I could go on and on about what has happened since I last wrote an article on here but I don’t think I am ready to delve into all of that just yet. All I know is that I am slowly finding the little pieces of myself that I lost along the way. I still have a long journey of owning my truth, healing my inner child and finding my identity again without feeling ashamed or guilty for it. But I am finding my happiness and Mycaela is coming back!
