Through my new journey of self healing and healing my inner child, I now understand why I prided myself on being a low maintenance friend for so many years… I didn’t respect or value my life.
Let me explain…
No one ever wanted to always be around; “friends” came and went however they pleased. I didn’t hold them accountable for being an actual real friend. Real friendship is a two way street, yes people get busy, but simple phone calls or text messages in between would suffice enough. A small gesture to show that “hey I still think about you”. Disappearing and ghosting because someone is busy doesn’t make it okay. But being shamed and made to feel guilty because you are not wasting or spending ALL your free time with them is not healthy either. That is a conditional toxic friendship.
I prided myself as being a “low maintenance friend” because I wouldn’t let myself get upset at others when they ditched me and were never around. I pretty much told them that it was okay to forget about me when I was no longer of use to them. I never bothered them or reached out much either because I let them walk all over me by only letting them come around when it was convenient for them, or when they needed someone like me. I also forced myself to do things with them when they were around, simply so that they wouldn’t get mad at me or accuse me of “ditching them,” even though I barely had time for myself. This is putting down your self worth and not demanding the love and affection you DESERVE in relationships. Healthy boundaries are necessary as well as communication. But a friendship is still a relationship. Although it should not be burdensome, it is not okay to be played with, waiting to see when the person will come around again.
Forced and “low maintenance” friendships are not real. They are toxic relationships that allow you to tell yourself that you are disposable. They will make you act as someone that you are not when you are involved with them.
You are better to be by yourself and vibe with those who actually resonate with your frequency when you find them. You WILL find those true friends. You may not have a lot, but you will know when you meet them.
Love those that are authentic with you and be true and honest in all ways. These real friends will challenge you and inspire you. They will respect you, your time and your moral values. They will tell you when you aren’t living up to your potential and walk beside you as you build yourself up. They will cheer for you and defend you when you aren’t looking or when you aren’t around to defend yourself.
Do not put up with half ass people and relationships. Do not make excuses for these fake friends and blame it on how “that’s just their personality.” Don’t accept these minimum efforts. They are just straight up selfish and shitty people. Value your self worth and your family will come to you.
